Personal Reflections for 2020
Like many of you, I’ve been reflecting on my life over the last decade. The beauty of the turning of a year is that it grounds me in gratitude for what has passed, even the parts that hurt or were not so pretty, because I learned even more in those moments. The last decade has taught me so much!
Here are a few of the transformative life experiences I’ve had:
I got married.
I received my Masters degree.
I became a Mama to two wonderful little souls.
I spent more than half of this decade serving as a leader in one of the most profound learning, community-building, and leadership execution experiences of my career.
I released significant relationships that were not serving me.
I've gained a number of deep friendships and communities of kinship and sisterhood - the abundance of the universe is truly limitless.
I realized I am an artist.
I stepped fully into my own business.
I started a street festival.
I started a book club.
I challenged a workplace bully and won. I stood for something when I had everything to lose and came out the other end a stronger, more rooted, and more vocal advocate. And I believe I left that system a little better than I found it.
I started a Foundation focused on enabling greater community inclusion and equity.
I want to share some life lessons from the last decade that I'm going to use as touch stones to keep me focused for the next decade, and to help me to better embody transcendence and ascension. None of these are unique to me, and you've probably heard them and experienced them, in some shape or form in your own life. They have shaped my personal journey so here goes:
1. Move from Authenticity – bring all of yourself to the table.
Every time I've pushed past fear and let the voice inside guide me, it has literally paid off. Initially this was a terrifying thing to do, because of how vulnerable I felt doing it. And of course there were moments where it didn't work out the way I had hoped. The thing is though, I've never regretted my choice to be authentic in a situation, regardless of the outcome, because I learned to embrace the idea that it's better to be accepted for who you really are, and also to be rejected for who you really are, rather than for some sad and scared version of yourself.
2. The universe rewards courage.
This is similar to the adage "Leap and the net will appear." My life is a testament to this expression; I did not grow up with a huge degree of security and a strong backing/foundation. And yet, I have made a series of bold decisions in my life that, when I look back, have shaped my destiny. I often spent a lot of time focusing on my lack of security, when, in fact, it was probably this lack of security that taught me to trust myself. To trust that I could handle whatever was going to happen, that I HAD to handle whatever was going to happen. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., “Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” Life truly does begin at the end of our comfort zones, so that is where you'll find me for the next decade.
3. There are times, in life, when we need to release what is so that we can empower what will be.
Through my personal healing work, I have learned that we are the ones that hold ourselves back in life; that while we may not have control over everything that happens in our lives, we do have control over the stories we tell ourselves about what we're experiencing. It's scary to let go of things in life that have been with us for so long. There is comfort in the known, even if it doesn't serve us. So surrender here is not easy. And yet so vital to our healing as a humanity. This is still very much a work in progress and something I'm grateful to have finally understood.
4. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
While I have been a social justice advocate for much of my life, this expression really hit home over the last few years. And I was faced with a some situations that represented such integrity disconnects on the part of people and organizations that I worked with, that I had to stand up. Was I scared shitless? Hell yes. Did it stop me? Hell no. If you choose to look, with open eyes and an open heart, at the world around you, there is so much injustice happening. Pick one thing, and focus your power, your privilege, and your platform on making that situation better. On calling out people, processes, and spaces that are perpetuating injustice. The world needs all of us now more than ever. The world needs your gifts. Your kindness, your intention, your focus, your service, your innovation, your contribution, and your #allyship.
I know that having two little life witnesses watching me has propelled this courage and this urgency. The guiding questions that help me to focus my actions are "Where in the system do I intervene so that I can have the most impact? Does this choice align with my values and principles? Is this a choice I would feel proud telling my daughters about?"
5. Choose joy.
These two words have been my specific mantra for 2019. This phrase is a reminder that joy is always an option. Even if we don't seem to be able to see it in the moment. This decade gave me my deepest and most prolonged experience of depression that my spirit has ever known. It started as post-partum depression after the birth, and subsequent complications of the birth, of my second child (I had it with my first and was able to move through it much more quickly) and it continued for almost three years. While I did seek help and dug deep to start dealing with some of the traumatic childhood roots of my experience, it wasn’t easy and definitely not a swift, neat process. I am deeply grateful to my family and my friends who held space for me, who walked this path with me, who truly carried me, during this dark chapter. Choosing joy really simplified my decision-making process and I continue to use it now as well.
6. You are always in the room or the space where you're meant to be. The question that determines whether you stay there or not is does this environment feed me?
I heard this from a TEDTalk or Oprah's Super Soul Sunday talk and will work to find the source; it has stayed with me and given me permission to release myself from my masochistic tendencies to stay in spaces that are actually hurting my spirit. Being liberated from my last role is what propelled me into my business today. I knew I needed to leave that space, and my inner gremlin was telling me all of the reasons (fear-driven) I needed to stay. I knew the space was not serving me and it wasn’t allowing me to work from my power. I had learned what I needed to learn and should have moved on sooner.
7. Gratitude is the way.
Gratitude is my saviour. Straight up. In my first experience of post-partum depression and anxiety, gratitude was what pulled me through. I figured out that anxiety and gratitude cannot co-exist. There are things that I have experienced that I could be mad about, or frustrated with, or continue to ruminate on. Instead, by choosing to surrender the hold these things could have had over me, and by being grateful for what the experiences have taught me, I feel so much lighter and open for more positive experiences to find their way to me. We attract what we are (the power of The Secret). When we're grateful for all that we have and the sheer abundance of the universe, it's hard to have room in your heart for things that hold you down.
8. Boundaries are important.
This took me a while to figure out. As a recovering co-dependent, I realized that every no was a deeper yes to something else. That setting boundaries and honouring boundaries are the backbone of a healthy life.
9. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to get out of our own way.
This one I am still learning how to do well, to be honest. I have realized that I get in my way a lot. And this is limiting my ability to be as impactful as I know I can be. I am working on self-care, on making friends with my inner gremlin, on using self-compassion and mindful inquiry to understand my fears and hurts. To release what has no use today, though it may have been a survival tactic in a previous experience, and to keep the lesson. Especially in my new role as an entrepreneur, I am feeling the cost of this when I dream small, aim safely low, or assume limitations that don't actually match up to my reality. I am impatient. I really want to get out of my own way NOW. It's a process that does unfold at it's own pace, and I am working to be patient with it, and with myself.
10. Humility. There but for the grace of God go I.
I remember where I come from. I remember where I have been, the depths, the heights, the laughter and the tears. This consciousness roots me in the fact that we are all connected and that none of us, regardless of our wealth, social status, or the things we possess, are exempt from the emotional spectrum of life experiences. And life has shown me that when I was in the pit, the depths of darkness, the love, support, belief, and kindness of others is what pulled me out. And so it goes that when I am in a space where the sun is on my face, the wind is propelling me forward, and I am in alignment with my purpose, that I need to remember to be aware of those around me who might be in the pit right now. How can I help? We have two hands for a reason; one to raise up in gratitude, and so that someone else can help us, and one to reach humbly down so that we can help someone up.
Thank you for making time to read this reflection. While I don’t post personally in this space too often, I felt like this moment deserved it.
Happy 2020! Take this decade and own it!
““We have two hands for a reason; one to raise up in gratitude, and so that someone else can help us, and one to reach humbly down so that we can help someone up.””