The journey to be a good Ally
This idea, this question of “How can I be a good ally, to myself, and to others?” is one that has been shaping my work and my priorities over the last twenty years. Choosing to step into my own practice now is a decision that has been a long time coming and I am excited beyond belief about this next chapter in my life. To be the contribution I know I can be and to share the wisdom and knowledge gained on my journey so far with leaders, organizations and groups who wish to build their cultural competency in order to create more inclusive spaces. And a journey it is.
I am privileged to have had several experiences of leading and fostering cultures of inclusion in community and in work spaces, and frankly, once you’ve known the power that comes from these experiences, it’s hard to work in spaces that don’t prioritize equity, diversity & inclusion. As a racialized, cisgendered female, settler of colour born in Canada, I know that I am privileged. I also know the uncomfortable, painful experiences of racism, sexism, ageism, prejudice, and marginalization. Only at the time, I had neither the language to name these experiences, nor the understanding of the structures and systems that perpetuate this experience for so many people and groups. All I knew was that there seemed to be some invisible force at play; that was preventing me from feeling seen, heard, and valued. That caused me to doubt my ability, to buy into the narrative being projected to me, when it didn’t make sense. And I did try and unpack these moments with my peers and colleagues, who were non-racialized, and who often didn’t see what I was seeing or couldn’t understand what I was relating to them.
It has only been over the last few years, when I embarked on a journey to educate myself, and to seek voices, narratives, and resources that reflect the deep diversity of cultures and experiences that exist in our great nation (and beyond), that I have begun to understand what is happening and to more intentionally rumble with the question of “how can I be a good ally?”.
Living in this time of growing populism has not been easy. I’m not going to lie; it’s kept me up some nights as I watch what is unfolding south of us, as well as in my province, Ontario. As a mother raising two young daughters, at my worst, I worry about the world my girls will inherit. At my best though, I am confident that as our collective consciousness rises and more people find their voice, as movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp take hold and gain strength, that our future is in great hands. And I also hear the fear out there in response to these movements.
To this end, I was having a conversation recently with a friend I have gotten to know through a volunteer project we are both involved in, and I was sharing my news about establishing my consulting and coaching practice focusing on equity, inclusion, and diversity. Her response to me, when I shared this news, was telling and underscored the fear that so many feel when they hear the words “equity, diversity and/or inclusion”. She clarified “Inclusion for EVERYONE, right?” That response threw me and I responded emphatically with “Of course!” ‘Besides, what other kind of inclusion is there?’ I thought to myself.
Later that night, as I continued to reflect on her response, I realized what she meant. It was a response coming from fear; that somehow, more equity or inclusion for one group, meant less equity or inclusion for another. And that’s not how inclusion works. I’d like this blog to help us have more meaningful conversations about race, equity, privilege, inclusion, diversity, colour-blindness, to name a few subjects. And I want this space to be helpful so I welcome thoughtful and respectful questions and comments.
On the question of #allyship, Vernā Myers shares, in her book Moving Diversity Forward: How to go from Well-Meaning to Well-Doing, some great tips for good #allyship as you work to build your own cultural competency. Here are a few of them:
If you are running a meeting, notice who’s NOT talking when you ask, “Does anyone have anything to add?” or “Are there any questions?”. Silence does not mean consent and does not mean that there is nothing more to be said. For people of colour, when they are not well represented in an environment (the token, or the “only”), many are reluctant to speak out for fear of being seen as troublemakers or poor team players for having a different perspective. Be curious and try other strategies to solicit different opinions.
If points are made from diverse perspectives of men and women of colour, don’t dismiss them, even in subtle ways. If you don’t see the value of the perspective immediately, politely probe and be curious. All cultures and experiences are valid.
Don’t dominate the conversation in a meeting or discussion. Try and be aware of the time and space you are taking up and whether or not you may be speaking over or speaking for others.
Expand your social circles to include more BIPOC. The more opportunities you have for authentic connection, the more you’ll learn about the people who make up your community. These experiences will hopefully help you see any negative and false ideas or biases you may have had about different groups of people.
At work, instead of going with the same people to lunch, for coffee, or for a drink, be intentional about diversifying the group of individuals with whom you spend time. Think about how hard it is to be the new person at work. Or how hard it is to connect with colleagues who have all worked together for a long time? Social opportunities to build cross-racial relationships are critical to creating a more inclusive culture.
My hope and my intention, through Mending the Chasm, is to work with leaders and teams to bridge the gaps that exist, in knowledge, experience, and capacity. To unpack the ideas we have about race, power, and privilege, and how this plays out for different groups in our workplaces and our communities. Stay tuned and thank you for joining me on this journey!
“Diversity and inclusion requires diverse and non-diverse leaders to work together to create a culture that embraces diversity of thought and deploys the required best practices, development tools, and resources to maximize talent engagement, advancement, workplace performance, and overall satisfaction.”