When I love myself, my world changes. The world changes.

I went to a retreat recently that sparked something open inside of me.

Not with force, but with a gentle and invitation that was too good to resist.

For so long, my sacred work has been fueled by love: love for community, for justice, for the planet, for people who are often unseen or unheard. My business, Mending the Chasm, was born from that love. It is the reason I show up in workplaces, in circles, in spaces filled with tension, rupture and a lack of trust, again and again.

But this retreat reminded me: what about love for myself?

“All that you touch You Change. All that you Change Changes you. The only lasting truth is Change. God is Change.”
— Octavia E. Butler, Parable of the Sower

I don’t mean the kind of self-care that gets flattened into bubble baths and bouquets, I mean the kind of love that sees me.

That honors the child, the ancestor, the leader, the sensual being, the sexual being, the spirit, and the tired human in equal measure. The kind of love that calls me to be an extraordinary lover to myself.

Laurie Handlers was one of the co-facilitators at the retreat and shared "Being an extraordinary lover begins with you. I’ve had a few workshop experiences with her and really love her approach and who she is as a human.

One of the lessons I am taking away or re-membering in my body is her practiced belief that when we meet ourselves with presence, kindness, joy, and adoration, we become the source of our own fulfillment.

I’ve known these moments of joy in life. It birthed the belief that being with a partner has to feel as good, if not better, as being with myself.

It goes with something that Michael, her co-facilitator and husband shared: "The world you want begins with the way you touch, speak to, and hold yourself."

It landed. Deeply.

Not just in my mind, but in my body.

In my relationship.

Relationships.

In that retreat space, I let go of needing to be productive or powerful. I touched into my vulnerability, my longings. I practiced softness. Ease.

For myself.

For my partner, and our relationship.

I allowed myself to be held in a loving, deep, joy-filled, and accountable container.

And in that space, I was relaxed, hopeful and open enough that new visions came to me.

Forgotten dreams that I had whispered to myself but never dared to speak aloud.

I saw what MTC could become if I nourished it, not just with strategy, but with accountability, love, and joy. With generative creativity. With pleasure. WITH HOPE.

I imagined:

• A podcast centering stories of rupture and repair

• A retreat space rooted in our four pillars: accountability, resourcing, conflict transformation, and social capital

• A community platform for women leaders of color to practice belonging and brilliance

This practice of loving myself more fully has become a radical act of resourcing — not just for me, but for the work.

I get it. I see me, I meet me, and I hold me.

Because when I:

• Take accountability for how I abandon myself, I open the door to deeper self-trust.

• Resource my nervous system with rest, joy, and nourishment, I show up with more clarity.

• Transform my own inner conflict with compassion, I become a better facilitator of the communities I get to serve.

• Invest in relationships that affirm and stretch me, I grow our collective social capital.

This is the work. Not just the contracts or the deliverables.

But the rooting.

The mycelium of social capital that is growing, being nurtured and tended to, through me and my work, MTC’s work. An ever expanding network, steeped in love, and each of us working to move from our best selves. Our EXTRAORDINARY selves.

Partnerships with brilliant humans I respect and love collaborating with on a shared mission.

The remembering.

I am learning to be a better lover to myself because I believe that liberation is an inside job, first and foremost. A knowing, that I can only invite others into boldness, healing, or vision if I am walking that path too.

You can’t take someone on a journey you haven’t been on yourself.

So today, I ask you (as I ask myself):

What would it look like to love yourself like someone whose life and work matter deeply?

To speak to your own dreams like you would to a beloved friend?

To tend to your vision with the same devotion you offer your clients, your team, your community?

Let’s build from that place.

With love. Always. Leena